


Commanders of Peace

by Lynniethebeegirl



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Babies, Boats and Ships, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, F/F, Peace, Pregnancy, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-10-30
Packaged: 2018-05-30 10:35:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 17,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6420295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lynniethebeegirl/pseuds/Lynniethebeegirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Following war on Arkadia and peace agreements, Clarke and Lexa struggle with who they are without war, and eventually move to a bunker in the woods to raise the nightblood children who have trained for war their whole lives. Eventually the kids leave home, and Clarke and Lexa decide to have a baby.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

They cling together in the dim tent. It’s time for a full frontal assault on Arkadia. The internal uprisings have all failed, all potential allies imprisoned. The grounders are preparing for an attack, Lexa and Clarke at the head of the army.

They’ll see each other again, this evening. Just not in this world. It’s fitting, they’re the ones that will die first, they got the world into this mess.

“I’ve given orders that no one held prisoner by Pike will be harmed.” Lexa kisses Clarke’s forehead. Clarke leans into her, shaking. Only Pike and a few of his most loyal friends walk free. It’s comforting, the bullet that kills her won’t be fired by a family member, a friend. She’ll die for her people, the people that she loves. She’s wanted to die for her people since she landed, but until now her only option has been to kill for them. 

“I’ve seen the other commander’s deaths. The wound is painful, but death is not. We will die good deaths.” 

“I don’t care if I have a good death, I just want it to be over with.” Clarke is tired, tired of moving, tired of breathing. Only her own death can lift the weight of the hundreds of deaths she is responsible for from her shoulders.

“I love you.” Lexa whispers, and another weight is added to Clarke, another life.

“I love you too.” Clarke hands the weight back, squeezes Lexa’s hand. War drums start, and they stand, adjusting armor and smearing war paint to cover tear tracks.

It’s time.


	2. Chapter 2

They live. The bullets miss them, the guards they meet in the tunnels of Arkadia fall beneath their swords, malnourished and weak. They fight to the center, and Clarke kills Pike, leaving her sword in his chest. His gun clatters to the ground.

Lexa collapses, the one shot Pike had managed to get out hits her in the stomach just below her ribcage. Clarke falls to her knees next to her, trying to stop the bleeding. 

There’s silence, just Lexa’s ragged breathing. Clarke presses her hands against the wound, she’s losing a lot of blood. Not a fatal amount, not yet, but she needs surgery, needs stitches.

“Hey, Lexa. Stay with me. Hey.” Clarke puts her hand on Lexa’s forehead, brushes the helm of awe off her forehead. Her war paint is smeared, streaked with tears, but there’s no fear in her eyes.

“Clarke.” Lexa puts a hand over hers, pressing down on the wound.

“You’re safe. I’ve got you.”

“I know.” 

Abby is there, and Kane, Bellamy, Harper. They haul Lexa to the operating room, Abby digging in the wound to retrieve the bullet. Lexa convulses on the table, blue sparks scattering from the back of her neck. Clarke opens a thin slit in an old scar and a computer chip crawls out, dropping to the operating table. Sinclair scoops it up to take to Raven.

And then it’s over. Abby sits on the floor, exhausted. Lexa is pale, but breathing, a line of stitches on her stomach. Clarke wants to stay with her, wants to take her hand, but her mother has been starving for the past month, there’s other wounded, Clarke is needed elsewhere.


	3. Chapter 3

It takes five days for Lexa to wake up. In that time Indra is commander, accompanied by Aden. A shaky truce is reached, all Skaikru will leave Arkadia for the time being, and be held in Polis, unharmed. Only Skaikru and grounders giving or receiving medical care can stay, and only in a few sections. 

Clarke works day and night, digging bullets out of grounders, diagnosing sky person after sky person with malnutrition. Abby faints several times, and Kane eventually brings her to Polis to eat and sleep. She isn’t doing any good if she faints during a surgery.

Bellamy and Raven are in and out. They have permission to keep the electrical systems in Arkadia running, and bring food to the people in the medical bay. Raven hooks up the chip to the Ark’s computers and transfers the data, destroying the chip in the process. There’s ninety-seven years of data to sort through, so many lives.

On the fourth day Raven pulls Clarke into the room she’s hooked the data into. Abby is back, slightly less malnourished, and doesn’t object to Clarke taking a break.

“I found her.” Raven moves the images, albums of pictures and videos, audio files. At the beginning every image is gray, but they gradually turn to green through the years. Raven stops at the last few files.

“Lexa?”

“Yeah. I thought you should see it, before anyone else. I only took a quick look but…you were in there a lot, and I think you have the right to the first look.” Raven stands up to go, and Clarke takes her seat, staring at the brightly colored squares.

The first few images are crowds, confusion, a throne, Lexa’s room in Polis. War, battles, maps of Mt Weather. Then a girl with dark curly hair and warm brown eyes, notes outlining an alliance between the twelve clans. The girl’s severed head lying on the floor, an alliance between the clans. She avoids these earlier images, those are Lexa’s memories. It should be her choice to share them with Clarke.

The chip has data attached to each image. Body temperature, hormone levels, radiation levels. Clarke fiddles with the controls until the computer translates the information into feelings.

She sifts through the later photos carefully. She sees herself standing in Lexa’s tent, asking for a truce. She sees herself shooting the gorilla, later trying to convince Lexa to evacuate Tondc. Shooting the sniper. Rising to command an army. Clarke standing in Lexa’s tent again, sees the computer interpretation of Lexa’s feelings shows happiness. Then later, pain, as a video file shows Lexa breaking the alliance and saving her people.

The last few are utilitarian, battle plans, notes on the failed uprisings in Arkadia. But Clarke is always there, in the background. The last image is blurry, Lexa looking up at Clarke while lying on the operating table. The last image before the chip detached itself from her mind and she went unconscious.

Clarke feels sick suddenly. Lexa is asleep, possibly permanently, and Clarke is here, rifling through her mind. 

She checks the computer, hoping to find some sort of private file to put Lexa into. She finds it, and hides Lexa away from prying eyes. 

She leaves a note for Raven, telling her where the files are in case they’re absolutely essential. She sneaks out, avoiding people until she gets to the curtained off back area where Lexa is. 

She’s peaceful, lying there. Her war paint has been washed off, her hair brushed out and pulled into two braids. Had Abby done that, when Clarke had deposited her on the floor here after a fainting episode? Clarke hadn’t, up to her elbows in other people’s blood.

The scans had noted interrupted brain activity, but no more severe than a concussion. She should be awake by now. Clarke takes her hand and rests her head on the sheets. It seems like such an exposed position, but Abby and Raven are in the other room, and there’s no reason to be afraid now.

When Clarke wakes up her hand is no longer on top of Lexa’s. Instead Lexa’s fingers are laced through Clarke’s, her thumb gently rubbing in small circles. Lexa’s eyes are still closed, but Clarke sees her swallow when Clarke squeezes her hand gently. 

She’s awake.


	4. Chapter 4

It takes three more days before Lexa is up to much more than napping and following simple instructions from Abby. Move hands. Wiggle toes. Take a deep breath and hold it for a few seconds. Blink, move eyes, move tongue. Even these simple actions exhaust Lexa, putting her to sleep for hours. Clarke never leaves her side, holding her hand, giving her food when Abby says it’s okay.

The last of the grounders being treated for gunshot wounds leave, wishing to continue healing at home rather than be trapped in the confines of Arkadia. When they leave a new influx of people arrives, all wishing to speak with The Commander. Despite the chip being removed from her neck, Lexa is still Heda, and there are still disputes to settle and the issue of the Skaikru to deal with.

Lexa wishes to speak with those that need her, but every time she asks Abby says no, and Lexa nods and drifts off again. Even as she gains enough strength to speak to people and hold a conversation, she still can’t do simple tasks. Showering, eating a full meal. She’s a wreck, still smeared with blood and grime from the final battle. She and Abby reach an agreement, after she’s showered, she can meet with two people.

On the fifth day Clarke helps Lexa into a wheelchair and rolls her into the bathroom. Clarke unties the hospital gown from Lexa, and makes sure she has soap and shampoo within her reach.

“I’m going to get you a fresh robe, I’ll be back in ten minutes.” Clarke kisses her cheek, and leaves.

When she comes back Lexa is showered, her hands shaking as she tries to brush her hair.

“Hey, just relax.” Clarke takes the brush from her hands and sets it down, tying a fresh hospital gown around Lexa. “I’ve got you.” She brushes Lexa’s hair, and braids it out of the way.

Back by Lexa’s bed Abby has a list of everyone who wishes to speak with Lexa, and on what subject. Lexa takes the clipboard and pen, and starts placing x’s next to names. She crosses out familial disputes, clan trade issues, finally narrowing herself down to Kane and Indra, who have requested to speak with her on the subject of the Skaikru. Her hand glides down to the bottom of the page where Aden’s name is written with no subject.

“Hey, I’m sure she’ll make an exception for him later.” Clarke tells Lexa, and Lexa nods, relieved, and circles her final choice.

***

Lexa is bare, free of war paint, free of grounder braids, free of the chip. She feels empty, naked, unprotected. 

Clarke squeezes her hand and leaves the room. Abby is here to monitor the medical situation. Lexa is on her own.

When Indra steps into the room Lexa sees that Indra is almost as scared as she is. Seeing the Commander wheelchair bound, braced against the arms of the chair to stay upright, she hesitates.

“How are my people?” Lexa asks, because that’s what she’s spent her whole life fighting for. Her people. What Indra’s been fighting for too.

“They got the war they wanted. Some say it is not enough.”

“Wanheda informed me that the sky people are all alive and held in Polis. I trust that she was correct in saying this?”

“Yes. They are unharmed. Several members of Skaikru were confirmed by their own people to be the leaders of the recent structure. They’re awaiting execution on your orders.”

“But there have been no attacks on them, no assassinations?”

“Correct.” 

Lexa wants to slump down in relief but stays upright. Peace may be closer than she hoped.

“Will the execution of these people pacify our people and allow Skaikru to join as the thirteenth clan?”

“No. They have replaced the mountain men in the minds of many.”

Lexa nods sadly. She knew this may happen. But there had to be a way for peace. Somehow.

“The leaders of Skaikru are committed to peace.” Indra says. “Kane has an idea that may eliminate the need for a truce.”

“How?”

Abby opens to door to let Kane in. He’s thin from weeks of near starvation imprisoned by Pike, but smiles when he sees Abby.

“What offer do you have, to ensure peace between our people?” Lexa is comforted by Kane and Indra’s presence. They’re fighting for the same thing she is.

“There are many members of our people that don’t wish to return to Arkadia. If there are grounder clans willing to take them in, they’d like to join them. Some have already left.”

“They would abandon their home. Everything they’ve ever known.” Lexa is shocked by the offer. Abandoning Arkadia would be drastic.

“Some sky people still wish to return. The old, the ones that need the medical technology still on the Ark. But grounders would live here also. The flamekeeper would want to be near the commander. Exiled grounders have already befriended many of the sky people, and would like shelter here.”

“There would be no division. Skaikru would live under our laws, there would be peace.”

“Peace.” Lexa grips the arms of her wheelchair, exhausted. Peace, at last.


	5. Chapter 5

The next few weeks are a blur. Trikru takes in many of the sky people, the boat people take a few. A few return to Arkadia. Lexa returns to Polis, but there’s little power for her there. She no longer has the spirit of the commander. A government is set up, with clan leaders meeting to discuss trade agreements and political disputes. Lexa is offered a place, but she hands it over to Indra. 

She wakes up every morning and spars with the nightbloods. She’s still weak, sometimes only able to watch from the sidelines. It’s comforting, it’s what they’ve done every morning in times of relative peace. Later in the day she teaches them reading, writing, history. Things they will need to know to be commander. The commander’s spirit is tethered in one place now. None of them will receive it.

One evening, while Clarke changes the bandages and Lexa tries not to wince, Clarke brings up the future.

“My people don’t need me anymore. They want me now, but they don’t need me. There’s no place for me with them.”

“You could become a doctor. That’s what you were doing before you fell to earth.” Lexa can feel how lost she is. They’re both so lost.

“I’m the commander of death. I’ll never to be able to just be a doctor.”

Lexa knows. Both of them are tied to war in the minds of their people. Clarke as Wanheda, and Lexa as the leader of a darker time. The nightbloods too, they’re the hope for a future that’s already been replaced by a better one.

“There’s no place for me or the nightbloods here.” Lexa closes her eyes and hears Clarke put away her medical supplies, and lie down, one arm around Lexa.

“We could leave. Go into the mountains or the dead zone.”

“You have friends here. I have the children to look after.” Lexa wants desperately to leave with Clarke, but even if the puzzle pieces they used to be don’t fit right anymore, there would still be an empty place if they left.

“We don’t have to go far then. A few days walk, close enough to visit. We could take the children with us.”

“What would we do?”

“I don’t know.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Lexa and Raven don't have much conflict with Finn because I didn't watch that many episodes with Finn and didn't want to get into that whole thing.

When the last sky person has chosen their place, and the last treaty has been signed, Lexa and Clarke leave. There’s no place for Lexa here, the role she’s dedicated her life to playing is no longer in existence. Clarke has a place with her mother, as a doctor, but she’s killed so many, and living a life surrounded by the sick and dying is the last thing she wants.

They travel about a day’s walk past Arkadia, to an abandoned village, all buildings gone. Bunkers rise out of the ground, unused for years, since the Mountain men declared this land their own, tossing their own people into this village to die.

They set up a home in one of them. There’s a back room with a bed, and front room with a big table that they’ve hauled from the rubble of a destroyed house. They have a fire outside, a place to cook, and a place to hang up animals to drain.

Lexa is still weak, the wound healing but she doesn’t have her strength back yet. Clarke gathers food in the forest, kills animals sometimes. She digs trenches in the clearing, getting the ground ready to plant. Lexa helps where she can, raking stones out of the soil so that Clarke can haul them over to a ravine and toss them over.

On rainy days they explore the bunkers. They need a place for the children to stay, but there’s no bunker big enough for everyone.

Eventually they decide to put half the children in the bunker closest to theirs, and the others in one a little bit further away. It’s days of clearing rotten leaves out of the underground rooms, sweeping, hunting in the other bunkers for usable furniture. It’s exhausting, with Lexa’s injury, and Clarke still having to find food for them. The bunkers are livable before the time the corn can be planted, and they leave to go get the children.

They arrive at Arkadia midday, finding things fairly quiet. A few people are leaving, one with a splinted arm, and Octavia and Raven are sitting outside.

“So you gotta hold the knife like this, and just fling it. Just get the motion down, and then you can worry about aiming real accurate.” Octavia shows the motion to Raven, and Raven takes the knife, throwing it at a wooden section of the fence. It bounces off and hits the ground.

“Fuck.” Raven mutters, and Octavia hands her another knife.

“Practice makes perfect.” Octavia watches as Raven makes another throw, and then sees two people approaching. “Hey, check it out.”

Clarke helps Lexa the last few feet, and lowers her to the ground to rest.

“Hey O. Long time no see.” 

“How’s life in the forest been?” Octavia hops up and hugs Clarke. 

“It’s been okay. How have things been around here?” Clarke looks around, wondering where everyone else is.

“Quiet. I’ve been living in Polis with Indra, we’ve been here the past few days so she can talk to Kane and Abby about stuff.” Octavia seems to think this is old news, but Clarke had assumed Octavia would be living in Arkadia. If she isn’t, then how many are?

“Who’s living here now?”

“Abby, Lincoln, Raven. They’re the only one’s here permanently. Abby’s training Lincoln to be a doctor, they’re doing a surgery right now. Jackson went up to the farm station segment in the ice nation to see if any medical stuff from there could be salvaged. Kane is around sometimes, but he goes to Polis a few days a week to do government things.”

“How’s my mom been?”

“Pretty good. A few people come in for medical stuff every day, so she and Lincoln handle that. The rest of the time it’s just maintenance. Three people keeping the place running, it’s a lot of work.”

“It’s nothing we can’t handle.” Raven throws her last knife, and it sticks in the wall. Octavia high fives her, and pulls her to her feet. “Once my leg is working again, we’ll get shit done.”

“That’s sort of why I’m here.” Octavia admits. “I’m staying here when Indra leaves for Polis to help out with Raven after her surgery.”

“Lincoln and Nyko have a sort of plant from their village that helps with nerve damage. Abby did something to make it into an injection, and she’s been treating me with it. I can feel things now, kind of.” Raven smiles, but winces, and leans against Octavia.

“The first surgery she had was kind of fucked because there was no anesthesia, so she ended up with a lot of bullet fragments in her hip and back that Abby couldn’t get out. There’s bone fragments from the mount weather drilling in there too. Now that she has working nerves they’re causing problems, so Abby and Lincoln are going to go in and get them out.” 

“Dude, that’s awesome.” Clarke hugs Raven, relieving Octavia, who goes to pick up the knives. 

“I’m going to be in a wheelchair for a week or two after, so Octavia’s going to be around to help with maintenance, and all my bullshit.” Raven shifts herself back over to Octavia’s shoulder. 

“The blue flag is down, they must be done.” Raven nods towards the medical bay. “It’s a system. Blue flag if there’s a surgery, yellow if there’s no surgery but still patients. Red if there’s a lot of people that need urgent care. No flag if it’s just the regulars. It helps the villages around here keep an eye on us.”  
“They still don’t trust you?” Clarke moves to help up Lexa. She’d hoped that this peace would be more solid, not based on flags.

“It started that way. It’s actually pretty useful most of the time. If we have a red flag up for more than an hour or two some healers will come down and see if we need help. And people don’t tend to show up while the blue flag is up, at least for nonlethal things.” 

Raven glances at Lexa and Clarke’s stomach clenches. She and Raven had sorted out their issues with Finn dying, but Raven hadn’t been face to face with Lexa since.

“Lexa.” Raven’s voice isn’t malicious, but it isn’t anything else either. Just empty. Clarke sees Lexa’s face pale slightly, and grips her hand a little tighter. “I went through your memories.” She waits, obviously waiting to see what Lexa thought about that.

“Alright.” Lexa doesn’t betray any emotion, but Clarke can feel her hand trembling. There’s so much on the chip. Clarke hadn’t even scratched the surface when she looked through them.

“That Titus dude is a real prick, isn’t he?” Raven smiles a little, and Lexa smiles back, uncertainly. 

“He has his beliefs.”

“What a jackass.” Raven reaches out and takes Lexa’s other hand, squeezing it gently, then letting go. “It wasn’t your fault she died. He was a real asshole to you about that.”

“Thanks.” Lexa moves closer to Clarke, and Clarke puts an arm around her. 

“Hey, I’ll show you the room with all the chip stuff tomorrow. Maybe you could like, explain how it worked while it was in your head?” Raven starts to limp towards the medical bay, leaning on Octavia.

“Okay. I can do that.” Lexa follows, Clarke with her. She seems lighter, moving more easily, as if a burden had been lifted from her.

The grounder is lying bandaged in a hospital bed, his leg elevated in a sling. Abby and Lincoln are sitting at a desk, reviewing the surgery they’d just preformed.

“Hey Abby, look who we dragged in.” Octavia deposits Raven in a chair.

There’s a moment of Clarke panicking when Abby’s eyes rake over Clarke and Lexa standing together. The last time Abby had seen Lexa she had still been Abby’s patient, someone to ask about pain, mobility. Now she’s just Clarke’s girlfriend.

“Clarke,” She moves away from Lexa and hugs Abby, melting against her. She’d meant to visit every few weeks or so, but the work had been hard, and the journey would have wiped out Lexa had it been any earlier. It’s no excuse though. She should have made time.

They pull apart, and stand there a moment, taking each other in. Then Abby turns and gathers Lexa in a hug that she initially resists, in surprise, but then awkwardly reciprocates. 

“It’s good to have you two back again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyway comment if you liked it and also tell me if you want Raven and Octavia to be a thing or if you just want me to stick with Lincoln and Octavia because I'm sort of not sure which way to go with that.


	7. Chapter 7

They eat in the medical bay, sitting around a narrow table scattered with notebooks of medical information. 

“We eat in here when there’s a patient, so we don’t have to worry about them while we go back to our cabin.” Raven cheerfully explains all the little things about life in Arkadia to Clarke and Lexa while Abby and Lincoln slump over their plates, exhausted. 

“You all share a cabin?” Arkadia is huge, with only three people. There’s space enough for them to have their own.

“Yeah, sort of. We eat there, hang out there when we don’t have patients. It’s got two bunk rooms so I have one, and Lincoln has one. Usually Abby sleeps in there to keep an eye on patients.” Raven gestures at the room off to the side, where she can see a bunk, and clothes scattering the floor.

“I’ve been staying in Raven’s room, so I can get her painkillers when she needs them.” Octavia glances at Lincoln, and Clarke wonders where that relationship is at. 

Lexa is next to her, staring at her food, eyes glazed over. She looks almost as wiped out as Abby and Lincoln. Clarke squeezes her hand gently under the table.

“Mom, how long were you working on that guy’s leg?” Clarke feels a little bad when Abby jumps slightly, coming back to herself.

“A few hours. We had a longer one last night. Internal injuries from falling from a roof. Didn’t make it.” Abby’s face isn’t just lined with exhaustion, but with sadness. Clarke knows the feeling. Loosing someone during surgery is painful.

Lincoln is as wiped out as Abby, only moving to pass his plate down to Octavia, who collects the plates and begins washing them in the sink. Everything here seems like a routine, never wavering. Clarke feels trapped by it, not sure what role she’s supposed to play.

It’s been months since she’s been in her mother’s household. She isn’t sure what her mother expects her to do, isn’t sure what her mother thinks about Lexa. She’s trapped in amber, or at least everyone else is, almost falling asleep at the table.

“Hey, Mom. Lexa is pretty tired, where do you want us to stay tonight?” She leaves it open, and Abby shakes her head, trying to clear her mind.

“We don’t have any…”

“I’ve got it, Abs. We’ll make space in the cabin.” Raven squeezes Abby’s hand and stands up. “You should get to sleep.” 

Octavia dries the last dish, and goes to helps Abby up, guiding her to her room. Raven follows, limping wish her brace and a crutch. Clarke watches through the open door as the two girls remove her mother’s boots, and gently lay her down, tucking the blankets around her. Octavia helps Raven limp back to the door, and they leave it ajar.

“Come on, let’s get to bed.” Octavia and Raven head down the corridor connecting the medical bay to the rest of alpha station. Lincoln gets up and hauls himself after them. Clarke helps Lexa up, and they follow their friends.

Cabin alpha-119 is exactly the same as every other cabin in this section. The same as the one Clarke’s family had lived in when the Ark was still in space. When Clarke still had a family…

The harsh lights and unforgiving angles of the walls are softened by thin fabric draped across the ceiling, giving it a warm glow. The freezing steel floors that Clarke remembers scampering across as a child are covered in furs.

“Home sweet home.” Raven collapses on the couch, and Octavia helps her with her shoelaces and leg brace. 

There’s two bunkrooms, and Clarke knows without looking that each has a set of bunkbeds, and another mattress that can be pulled out onto the floor. She’s willing to sleep on the floor of Raven’s room, but Lexa needs a place to sleep too.

“Hey, Lincoln is gonna cuddle with Octavia and I tonight. You two have a room to yourselves.” Raven reaches out a hand to high-five Clarke as Lincoln picks her up to carry her to her room. “Am I a great wingman or what?”

“Thanks.” Clarke halfheartedly slaps Raven’s hand. The hours of walking is beginning to catch up with her, and she isn’t the kind of mess that Lexa is, but she desperately needs sleep.  
She pulls Lexa to Lincoln’s room, and shuts the door behind them. Lexa immediately slumps on the bottom bunk.  
****  
The angles of the room are alien, shadows too deep, lights too harsh. Lexa shivers, hunched on the edge of the bed. Her body aches from the hours of walking, and the surrounding walls bring back reminders of being shot, lying on a cold table with Clarke hunched over her, face streaked with blood and tears. She covers her shirt where the bullet scar is, almost able to feel it under her shirt.

She’s pulled out of her own head when Clarke kneels in front of her, cupping her face, tipping her chin up gently to look her in the eye. There’s a moment of connection, Clarke’s eyes searching hers. Then Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa, pulling Lexa against her. Clarke’s arms are warm and familiar in this place and Lexa slumps against her, burying her face in Clarke’s shoulder. 

When they pull away Lexa begins shaking, the unnatural chill in the air soaking into her bones. Clarke unties her boots and helps her out of her pants, and then tips her onto her side, tucking her into the furs. She crawls in a moment later, pulling Lexa against her. Lexa curls into her, tucking her face into Clarke’s neck. 

Late in the night Lexa drifts closer to consciousness when she feels herself turned to Clarke can spoon her, Clarke’s body curled around hers. A hand slides under her shirt, cupping the place on her abdomen where the bullet scar is. Lexa covers Clarke’s hand with her own, and drifts back into a deeper sleep.

Lexa wakes up in pitch dark, alone and shaking. She takes a moment to remember where she is, but it’s not comforting. She can’t tell if it’s night or day, and the cold is unsettling.

She crawls out of bed, finding her pants on the floor and pulling them on. She stumbles to the door and manages to unlatch it, shoving the heavy metal aside and squinting in the harsh light.

Clarke is sitting at the low table by the couch, talking to Raven about something. Lincoln and Octavia are cooking something in the corner. There’s lighthearted chatting, the smell of food. Lexa goes and sits next to Clarke, awkwardly nodding to Raven. She’s used to not being in command when she’s around Clarke. She’s never been in command when it’s just her and Clarke. But when other people are around it’s harder. She doesn’t know where she fits in.

“Hey babe.” Clarke kisses her cheek, and Lexa blushes, the open affection scary now, in a way that is hadn’t been the day before. She’d been too tired the day before to slip back into her old mindset, terrified that open affection would put even bigger targets on their backs. She feels the fear creeping in here, but Clarke puts an arm around her waist, and Raven smiles warmly.

“Ugh you two are so cute it’s gross.” Raven makes a face, then winks at Clarke. “So how’s life in the woods?”

“Dirty. Hard. We got the big stuff out of the way so we’re going to go get the kids and hopefully with them helping we can get the corn going.” 

“Oh, the nightbloods?”

“Yeah. You seen any of them recently?”

“Titus brings Aden here sometimes to see the files. He’s doing okay. Titus still seems to be browbeating the kiddos with the same old messages.”

“To be commander is to be alone.” Lexa mumbles. She’s not commander anymore, but she still feels ashamed, as if she’s failing, doing something wrong.

“Yeah, all that bullshit.” Raven waves her hand. “It goes completely against the intent and design of the chip. Becca wanted the chip host to be as human as possible, to avoid another ALIE 1.0. Falling in love is a human experience, something that Becca would have wanted for the host.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another ship for your consideration: Doctor Mechanic?


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a little bit angsty and a little bit dirty. It's mostly worldbuilding because Jason gave us no fucking details on how the chip works.

“Alright, so I can access most files on this thing. There’s one type though that I can’t open. I was hoping you’d give me some details on those.” 

Lexa stares up at the screen of colors, patched together. She remembers the pulse of all of them, clustered together in the back of her mind. Remembers opening them, trying to draw some comfort from them.

After she had left Clarke at the mountain she’d spent hours meditating, immersing herself in the pain of the former commanders. She’d watched the first commander search for her family on earth, only to find her last remaining cousin burning from the inside out with radiation. She’d seen an early commander’s husband die after being mauled by some sort of woodland cat. The rasp of his breath through his torn trachea had haunted her dreams. 

She’d seen a commander whose child had died from a lung infection. One who had torn the chip from her neck so that she could follow her daughter who had been cast out into the dead zone. 

There was a reason commanders weren’t allowed to have emotional attachments anymore. No husbands, no wives, no children. She’d reminded herself of that every time she came back to herself, jerking awake from whatever nightmare she had immersed herself in. Titus had been trying to protect her from that. She’d tried to think that, but her own memories of Clarke and Costia, the good ones, made her still desperately want companionship.

She’d immersed herself in more memories. Nightblood children forced to murder their own siblings. The youngest commander, even younger than Lexa had been, taking her own life after receiving the chip.

A girl waking up to a bloody bag on the pillow next to her head, peeling back the cloth to find her girlfriend’s head. Lexa hadn’t realized she could be plunged into her own memories, trapped there, her own sobs echoing in her mind until she clawed her way to the surface to hear more sobs, to stumble away from her bed.

“You okay?” Raven looks concerned, and Lexa realizes that she’s frozen up.. “It’s okay if you can’t do this. I get it.”

“I’ve got it.” Lexa reaches up to open a file. It’s one of hers. Battle plans. 

“So that’s a photo file. How did those show up in your brain?”

“The first time I accessed it I had to scroll through the chip, looking at the individual images. After I viewed it the first time I could find it just by thinking about it.”

“A video file?”

“Same thing.” Lexa had organized those, actually. Not by commander, but by happiness. She had a video of a commander training her son to fight, a video of a sunset. One commander had traveled to the sea, Lexa had treasured that memory, watching the endless blue expanse stretch out in front of her. 

She taps it and there it is. Beautiful. She hears the sea birds, hears the waves.

“Wow. So this is something that a commander consciously saved or…?”

“It’s conscious and unconscious.” Lexa tries to explain, but it’s such an odd feeling, having the chip, that it’s difficult to describe. “Some things I could make a chip memory of, and leave it for another commander. Battle plans, maps, some sort of mutation. Somethings just happen, not when I’m thinking about it, they just appear in the chip.”

“Alright.” Raven goes back to the main screen and replaces the glowing files with a diagram of a brain, different spots lit up. “So this was a scan of your brain that Abby took for me while you were unconscious. We wanted to see where the chip had connected. So far we found connections in the regions for memory, sight, sound, and some regions that are more connected to emotion.”

Raven brings up the chip files and the brain side by side, and starts sorting the files.

“So I’m assuming that all audio and photo files can be sorted into these zones, and all video files go somewhere in the middle.” Raven moves them by type, and she’s left with files in a dull beige. There’s a colored corner on each, some are marked black, some blue, and some green. 

“These are the ones I can’t open.”

“They’re physical.” Lexa mutters, reaching up to sort them by color. “When I used them I was put into someone’s body. I could feel everything they were feeling. In their body, in their heart.”

“Sooo what kinds of feelings? Does the color correlate to the memory?”

“Black is death. There’s one for each commander, except for three.” Lexa finds the two yellow files. “Those were the three that had the chip removed while they were still living.”

“You, Jacob, and Mary.” Lexa is startled by how well Raven knows the past commanders. Lexa had immersed herself in her own mind for days to fully know each one. Raven has to have spent hundreds of hours working on this.

“The blue is when the chip is put in. All commanders have one.” 

“Is it painful?”

“It feels like your body is being burned from the inside out.” And Lexa knows that’s what it feels like, because that’s how one of the former commanders had died.

“What about green?”

“Those are other things. Not commander things.”

“So good things, bad things? What sort of things?”

“Battle injuries, medical stuff. Childbirth. Um…” She hesitates, and Raven turns around with a wicked grin.

“Don’t tell me you and Griffin have a sex tape on this thing.” Lexa is sure that she just blushed a bright red, and Raven doubles over, giggling.

“Holy shit, she is never hearing the end of this.” 

“It’s not like that! Besides you can’t open the files anyways.” Lexa tries to shut down the whole thing. She’d removed some of the files that had formed of their time together, but had held onto one or two. When Clarke was gone to Arkadia on some political mission and Lexa was lonely, she’d sink into a memory, a pillow over her face to muffle any moans. She’d meant to delete them at some point, but when the chip had clawed its way out of her body they were still on there.

“You ever seen another commander’s sex tape?” Raven is still going strong, obviously thrilled by this milestone in her research.

“Stop calling it that.” Lexa’s sure her face is an even deeper red now. Some of the more short lived commanders had not learned how to delete files at the time of their deaths. She’d gone hunting one evening, after things had begun to heat up with Clarke. She hadn’t wanted to react in some embarrassing way, so she gone through a few of the files.

“Does it feel different for a dude?” 

“One more comment and I won’t tell you anything else about the chip.” Lexa turns her back on Raven until Raven stops laughing.

“Okay. Back to business.” They go back to staring at the screen, Raven periodically snickering as she sorts the remaining memories into the correct brain areas. 

They meet Clarke and Abby for lunch in cabin 119, Raven still occasionally elbowing Lexa in the ribs.


	9. Chapter 9

They walk to Polis the next day to get the children. They’ve been safe there, continuing to train as warriors, continuing to learn about being commander. It’s not somewhere that Lexa wants them to be. The commander chip belongs to everyone now, and it doesn’t need a vessel. The kids belong to themselves now, and should be taught accordingly.

Lexa steps into the plain dorm where she lived for four years after she left Anya’s side. The nighbloods jump up to greet her, books and swords left on the floor. With the sunlight streaming through the windows it could be warm and comforting, but all Lexa wants is to get out.

“We’re leaving tomorrow morning. Clarke and I have a place for us all to stay. There’s a stream to swim in, and we can still train, if you want to.” She’d told them before she left that she’d be back to get them, and thankfully they still seem exited to be leaving. 

It’s late in the day, and she and Clarke go to eat, both of them exhausted. The next day they’ll take the kids back to Arkadia and spend a night there before continuing home.

They have a home now. One that they chose themselves. One where they’re themselves, and not only what they’re people need them to be. And now the nightbloods will have the same chance.

****

They make it to the bunkers in one piece, seven exhausted children trailing behind them. Even Aden, the oldest, collapses when they get to the clearing.

They eat a small meal at the table in the front room of Clarke and Lexa’s bunker, and they all head to bed almost immediately. 

The days pass quickly, long and exhausting, but over before they know it. They plant the corn, the tomatoes, other earth plants that Clarke doesn’t know well. After everything is planted they set aside part of the day for sparring and swimming, in the afternoon after the weeding and watering has been done.

One night a thunderstorm hits, and Clarke wakes to find Lexa ridged and pale beside her. When she takes her hand Lexa clamps down desperately, but her expression never changes. She’s terrified. 

One by one dark shadows file into the room. The two smallest climb onto the bed, one perched on the end, one sitting on the pillow, braiding Lexa’s hair. The rest take up positions on the floor watching the door, and Aden sits in the entrance, wedged in the doorway.

When Lexa sees all the nightbloods surrounding her she relaxes imperceptibly. Clarke rubs her tummy, trying to lull her back into restfulness. Sleep will only bring nightmares, but anything between would be good.

It had been during a thunderstorm night that the ice nation had managed to sneak into Polis and leave Costia’s head on Lexa’s pillow. Nobody had heard them because of the thunder. Now all the nightbloods keep anyone from coming in.

Lexa takes a shuddering breath and moves closer to cling to Clarke. Clarke holds her close, and they lie there as the storm fades.


	10. Chapter 10

That winter they stay in Arkadia, at Abby’s insistence. Arkadia still puts Lexa on edge, and she doesn’t want the children living in the shadow of the commander chip, but the bunkers in the woods won’t be warm enough for the kids. 

It isn’t bad though. They take the cabin next to where Lincoln and Raven stay, and build a blanket fort through the whole thing. The floors are covered in furs and mattresses scavenged from other cabins, and most times it doesn’t feel like they’re in a spaceship.

Clarke helps her mother in the medical bay while Lincoln and Lexa go out hunting. Sometimes they’ll bring one or two of the nightbloods, sometimes they’ll go see Octavia and bring her back from Polis to visit. There’s always something to do in Arkadia.

Raven will take Lexa with her to do maintenance some days. She’s still recovering from surgery, and can’t stand for long. 

“This is cabin alpha-223, I think there’s a loose control panel somewhere in here. I’ve been getting warmer temperature readings from the outside thermometer, and we might be losing heat.” Raven moves around the wall until she finds it.

“What do you need me to do?” Tech is still alien to Lexa, and she’s mostly here for grunt work.

“Just boost me up onto this shelf, then I think I can get this done on my own.” 

Lexa helps Raven up, then tosses up the toolbox. There isn’t much else for her to do. The cabin looks slightly more lived in than the others in this area, and Lexa wonders if the occupants didn’t survive to the exodus. Most others have been cleaned out, people taking their things to wherever their living now.

It feels like a grave.

Lexa lifts Raven down and they head back to the medical bay. 

****

They’re all lying in Clarke and Lexa’s cabin, sprawled across the mattresses. Octavia is visiting, and her and Lincoln are cuddled up in a corner, whispering about something. Abby is helping Raven with her physical therapy, so hopefully she can regain the use of her leg. 

The nightbloods are reading and drawing, some of them falling asleep on top of their books. Clarke and Lexa move them so they don’t ruin the pages, and tuck blankets around them.

A storm rages outside, wind tearing at the ark, but inside it’s cozy. The blankets in this room are lower than in the main cabin, and it gives the space a cavelike feeling. The light is dim but warm, softening already soft edges.

As the night deepens Lincoln and Octavia stumble into Clarke and Lexa’s room, and Abby falls asleep on a mattress in the corner, Raven asleep with her head on Abby’s stomach. The last of the nightbloods pulls a blanket over herself and passes out, and Clarke and Lexa are the only ones still conscious.  
“Ready for bed?” Clarke kisses Lexa’s cheek, and Lexa smiles, eyes half closed from exhaustion. Clarke gets up and turns out all the lights but one, and then returns to cuddle Lexa, who’s almost asleep.  
Clarke drifts off, arms around Lexa, the sounds of earth drowning out the low machine hum of the ark.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are going to start moving again next chapter. This chapter covers about three or four years.

The next summer they return to the bunkers, planting crops early and starting their summer routine. Every morning they wake as soon as the sun rises, and water and weed the corn and vegetables until it gets too hot. Then they take a meal, and race down to the stream to play.

The children still spar with Lexa, and they try to teach Clarke. She’s not much good, but it’s great fun. If it’s cool enough out, they’ll sit on the edge of the stream, Clarke teaching them about science and math. Lexa teaches them about history and language in the winter months, when no one has the energy for calculations.

On the scorching hot days all they want to do is swim. The stream is wide, but not deep enough for good swimming, and they find a lake a mile or so downstream. They swim for hours, Clarke and Lexa dragging the children home before the sun sets and the bugs get bad.

They hunt, and search for berries in the forest to tide themselves over until the vegetables are ready to be picked. When the harvest starts coming in there’s almost too much to keep up with, and definitely too much to eat or store. They bring the excess food back to Arkadia too store it for the winter months.

Raven kept the aquaponics system functioning in the ark the winter before, but the heating system had been damaged in the fall to earth, and it was a constant struggle to keep it running. The food that Clarke brought wouldn’t completely get them through the winter, but it would help take some of the pressure off.

Every seventh day Clarke and two or three of the nightbloods will fill packs with food and take it to Raven and Lincoln. Lincoln is teaching Raven how to dry and prepare food for storage, and Clarke and the kids will hang around for a few hours to watch.

Some nights they have bonfires, usually to cook meat, but sometimes just for fun. Clarke lived life in fear of fire for so long. Fire used up oxygen, fire could overtake a section of the ark in minutes. An open flame meant death.

Late at night, after the kids have gone to bed, Clarke and Lexa will huddle by the fire, watching the last embers smolder. It’s never something Clarke thought she would be able to do. Sitting on a log, around a fire, trees and gardens in a circle around her. A girl beside her that smells of pine and woodsmoke.

****

Three years pass, three winters in Arkadia, three summers in the forest. The children are bigger now, able to hunt more, able to do harder work. When a windstorm fells a stand of trees nearby the family borrows horses from a nearby village, and hauls them back to the clearing to build a log cabin structure connecting the bunkers.

Raven rides out to check out the structural stability, and gives it her seal of approval. It’s cozy, wooden tables and chairs, a pit in the dirt floor for a fire. The roof is angled so all the smoke will go up and out a hole in the peak, which is right under a rock overhang. It’s not quite winter worthy, but it makes it easier to go between bunkers when the weather is bad, and the fire pit means that they can start going out earlier in the spring and staying later in the fall.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyway so I changed the work description if anyone noticed. Also I have like the next five chapters already written so if I go more than a day or two without posting just comment and I'll see it in my emails and be like...oh shit. I gotta post something.

Two years later Sky People start returning to Arkadia. They’re gathering to discuss the possibility of starting settlements in the dead zone. There’s abandoned technology that Bellamy and Monty think they can salvage, and life is returning in small pockets in the desert.

“We’re aiming to settle in former Massachusetts. It was impacted by the nuclear bombs that struck New York city, and was hit by more fallout from Indian Point nuclear power plant. Boston was also hit, but most of the fallout went out to sea.” Bellamy shows the proposed settlement spots on a map.

“So the radiation in that area is survivable now. We know that. Do we know what the land is like? Can it be farmed?” Abby is skeptical, and Clarke knows that the last thing she wants is for more of her people to die.

“Murphy and Emori haven’t tried farming, but things are growing. What we’re really interested in is fishing on the far end of the dead zone. Boston used to be a good fishing area, and from what Murphy has said, it still is.”

“So is it completely uninhabited out there?”

“Seems so. There’s some scavengers out there cast out from the clans, but they’ll be welcome to join our settlements. Murphy and Emori haven’t seen any signs of a larger civilization.”

Bellamy and Kane are leading the meeting. They have almost two hundred people already preparing for the journey. A group will leave across the land to explore, searching for possible settlement sites, and then the greater part of the group will be transported there by the boat clan.

The group is mostly sky people that haven’t been able to assimilate, some of them are from the twelve clans, criminals. It’s a motley crew, and Clarke would be nervous, but she remembers the prison ship she landed on. If anyone can make it, it’s a motley crew.

That night Clarke and Lexa sit outside the ark, laughing with friends, drinking mead that Monty had made.

“Hey, we’ve come a long way since moonshine.” Monty hands Jasper a mug, and they all drink. It’s too hot to sleep inside, and the ground inside Arkadia’s walls is littered with bedrolls and fire pits.

“Can I talk to you for a moment?” A looming shadow towers next to Clarke, and she flinches away, before recognizing Aden. He grew so fast that his height is still startling.

“Yeah, sure.” Clarke grabs Lexa’s hand and tugs her along as they follow Aden into the mess hall of the ark. It’s mostly empty, except for two people playing cards in the corner, and they all sit down.

“So what’s up?”

“I’ve asked to become Lincoln’s second.” Aden is deadly serious, and Clarke panics for a moment.

“Lincoln?”

“The healer leaving with the sky people.”

Clarke glances at Lexa. They knew this day would come. At nineteen most grounders would be someone’s second. They might even have their own seconds by then. On the Ark they’d be able to share a cabin with friends, and hold their own jobs.

“What did he say?” Lexa knows more about becoming someone’s second than Clarke does, and Clarke wonders how being the second to a healer works.

“He said I had to talk with you and that he would talk to Abby and see what she thinks.” It makes sense, Abby trained Lincoln, she would be able to help Lincoln with plans to train Aden.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Lexa asks. “We’re close with Lincoln and Octavia, we think it’s great that you want to become a healer.”

“I didn’t know what he would say. I …” He hesitates. “I didn’t want to make you feel like I was abandoning you.”

“We don’t feel that way. And we’ll still see you, even if you do leave. You don’t think I’m going to pass up a chance to go hang with my idiot friends and my idiot kid, do you?” Clarke gets a smile out of Aden, and turns to Lexa.

“If Lincoln agrees to this, Clarke and I will go with you to talk to Lincoln and Octavia about your training. Also, where you’ll be staying, who you’ll be eating with. Being a second is more than just work. It’s your entire life.” Lexa smiles. “Lincoln’s a good person. I’m sure everything will work out.”


	13. Chapter 13

Seven months later Aden sets out with Lincoln, Octavia, Bellamy, and Monty to go scout the coat to find a place for the settlement. When they pass into the dead zone Murphy and Emori will meet them, to guide them through the desert.

“Stay safe. Murphy is an asshole, but he knows the desert like the back of his hand. I’d trust every person in that group with my life, so don’t worry about anything.” Clarke hugs Aden goodbye, and steps back to give Lexa a moment to say goodbye. 

They’re planning on joining the rest of the settlement that the boat people are taking out, visiting the settlement, and then returning. Miri, one of the nightbloods, wishes to find her biological family. The records that Raven had marched in and demanded from Titus give only the clan and first names of each child’s parents, and Lexa is hoping that Luna can help her find them. Another nightblood, Joseph, decides to accompany them. He has little interest in the new settlement, but the large boats the boat people use for Open Ocean voyages have always fascinated him.

They set out in early spring. Aden had left as soon as the snow in the dead zone had melted, and it’s still bitterly cold. The remaining kids are left with Abby, with permission to visit the bunkers for three days at a time to begin preparing for planting. The youngest is fourteen, and they’re all more than capable of running the encampment on their own, but strange creatures lurk in the woods, and Clarke sleeps better knowing that Abby will be keeping an eye out for them.

They travel with the sky people to the port near Lincoln’s old village, and board small flat-boats to make their way down the river and out to the larger boats waiting in the bay. Clarke becomes sea sick almost immediately, hanging over the railing. It’s storm season, not good for sailing. The only reason they didn’t postpone the settlement’s exodus was because the eels and herring were running in the small streams furrowing the edge of the dead zone, and their survival will depend on being able to catch as many as possible.

They clamber onto the large ship, and Clarke clings to the rail again, stomach empty, eyes desperately fixed on the horizon. Miri and Joseph fare much better, and while Lexa is pale, her sea legs are steady.

Miri and Joseph beg Lexa to let them go explore, Joseph rattling off information about the ship type. He’d studied this type of old world ship in the books Clarke had found in her old cabin. Her father had always longed for the sea, for something other than the bland darkness of space. He would have liked having Joseph around to talk about navel engineering with.

Clarke’s stomach lurches again, and her eyes sting with tears. Lexa lets the children go, with instructions to not bother the workers and to be back by the time they meet up with the larger boat taking them north. It’s a two week journey, up, taken on an old battleship. A much larger ship will take them back, returning from the eastern island tribes, living on former Nova Scotia. 

Clarke heaves over the side, and almost falls when the ship lurches. Lexa holds her upright and rubs her back.

“The larger ship will be steadier.” Lexa pulls Clarke to lean against her, and Clarke tucks her nose under Lexa’s chin, searching for the feeling of protection. Everything is so raw here, and Clarke desperately wants to return to the warm green of the forest.

****

Clarke finds her sea legs on the third day on the ship, finally able to keep down some water and bread. Lexa leaves her side for a few minutes, and brings back Miri and Luna.

“Chew this, it helps.” Miri hands Clarke a bitter root, and Clarke chews, surprised by the relief.

“So there’s a lot of people with the names of your parents.” Luna holds out a sheet of paper to Miri. “Jonah is one of the mast common names we have in our clan. Amia isn’t as common, but it’s still widespread enough.”

“So will you be able to find them?” Lexa asks.

“We have records of the families carrying the nightblood.” Luna seems proud, and she points to the bottom of the paper. “One branch is mine, and I’ve talked to my family, none had a daughter taken sixteen years ago. There’s a branch joining the settlement, and they haven’t either. The last branch is living on the aircraft carrier that’s coming down the coast to meet with you at the settlement.”

“So the branch on the aircraft carrier is them?” 

“Yes. I think so.”


	14. Chapter 14

A week and a half into the voyage Clarke is well enough to help in the galley. Lexa, as the former commander, has meetings to attend and old friends to meet. Joseph blends into the crew seamlessly, helping with the dirtiest jobs on the lower decks. Miri stays close to Lexa, trying to learn more about the people that she came from.

Clarke rises early, climbing onto the top of the shipping container that she and Lexa share with the kids. The containers are where the majority of the settlers are staying, the below decks quarters are reserved for crew and their families. The seasickness is worse below, and Clarke is glad for the fresh air blowing in the holes in the container.

Lexa follows her up, and they share the morning meal of hard bread and water. It’s two days old, and Clarke and the other women working in the galley will have to bake more soon. 

“This ship is losing crew to the settlement, and Joseph has been offered a place here.” Lexa whispers. “He told me this morning, and asked me to tell you.”

Clarke nods. Her fear of the open ocean has become more apparent the longer she’s been on the boat. Uneasiness has become screaming nightmares of seeing the dark water rush up to claim her father. A night terror where the water leaked into the shipping container while oxygen alarms blared, and Clarke lay immobile and terrified beside Lexa. Below decks reminds her of the Ark, and the pull of the water at the hull reminds her that any moment water could flood her lungs.

“Alright.” Clarke whispers. Joseph doesn’t belong to her, and she has no right to project her emotional baggage onto him. She wants to vomit though, remembering how when her father’s ship had been displeased, they’d sucked the air from his lungs and tossed him away like a used napkin. She wonders if drowning will kill as fast as floating, and she doubts it, which only makes the fear worse.

“You should talk to him.” Lexa nudges Clarke. “He already knows you don’t like it out here, you should try to come to an understanding with him.”

Clarke nods. She’s helped care for him for five years, they’re family now. She can’t let them part ways without explaining to him why she finds this place so terrifying.

“I’ll talk to him when we stop at the settlement. I can’t think clearly here.” 

“Okay.” Lexa squeezes her hand. “Are you still feeling sick? Miri has some more of that root, if you want it.”

“I’m fine. It’s just fear.” Clarke leans into Lexa, and feels strong arms around her. 

*****

The landing boat makes Clarke sick again, and she collapses onto the dry earth, still retching. She lies there, willing the landscape to stop spinning around her while Lexa and the kids help bring supplies ashore.

There’s already a small settlement, just a few buildings, but enough for the children to have a roof over their heads. The largest is where Lincoln, Octavia, and Aden live. It’s built from scraps of metal scavenged in the desert, and mud. It has two rooms though, and reminds Clarke of the bunker back home, with it’s simple table in the front room. Aden has a cot in the corner, near the fire. 

The other houses are one room, made from the same mud and metal. The kids stay with Lincoln, Octavia, and Aden, and Clarke and Lexa walk past the settlement, to a small rise beside the river. 

The land is flat, and seems barren, even though Clarke saw dark patches of vegetation when she walked here from the ocean. They don’t bother with a tent, just throw down their bedrolls and lie down. Clarke rolls on her back, watching the stars, but it throws her back to the Ark, and back to the boat. She rolls to face Lexa, who scoots closer to her.

“Is your stomach still off?” 

Clarke nods. The anxiety and nausea have become hard to distinguish from one another. Lexa runs a hand along her side, and kisses her forehead. 

“I’ll ask Lincoln tomorrow if he has anything stronger than that root that could help. Maybe something for anxiety.”

“Thanks.” Clarke pulls Lexa against her, and clings to her, trying to feel safe after the weeks at sea.

Clarke and Lexa spend the next few days catching up with Aden and the others, and helping to build the houses for the new arrivals. It’s hard work, but the strain keeps her mind off of the trip back. 

The landscape is alien, dunes of hard packed earth with fertile valley’s in between. A river winds from the north to empty into the sea, herring flopping in the shallow water. The boat people lead fishing expeditions, they’ve fished from rivers like this before.

A two day journey north takes them to a much improved patch of the dead zone, where they can harvest downed trees to build with. Clarke is at first overjoyed at the sight of the familiar forest, but both Murphy and Emori keep their guns raised every moment.

“There’s something out there. The one time we meet up with someone and let him camp with us he falls asleep during his watch and lets the fire go out. Next thing we know the poor idiot is being dragged off into the forest by something as large as a house.” Murphy’s sarcastic façade slips, and Clarke sees fear in his face. She hurries the expedition along, and makes sure that the nightbloods are part of the first group heading back to the settlement. As much as she hates them being out of her line of sight, she doesn’t want them anywhere near here.

The huts are finished way too quickly, and it’s time to say goodbye. Aden promises to visit when his time being Lincoln’s second is over, and Lexa tells him she’ll visit before then. Clarke hugs Aden, and tells him that she’ll visit if she can, and Aden laughs.

“Don’t go on a boat ever again once you get back to TonDC. Everyone’s been talking about how sick you were. I’ll visit you soon.”

“Alright.” Clarke takes the bag of herbs that Lincoln gives her, and an already brewed flask of the tea the herbs are for. The root is the strongest thing they have for nausea, but the herbs should help the anxiety.

Miri and Joseph get in line to board the flat boats, and Clarke’s stomach clenches. Joseph has been traveling back and forth from the bigger boat with the crew, and was signed on a day earlier. His first voyage will be up the great lakes river, to visit the ice nation’s northern capital. Clarke had talked to him about her concerns, and he’d agreed that if there was a problem on board he’d get off at one of the ice nation villages and make his way down to Polis over land.

His boat will carry them to the aircraft carrier, and then they’ll say goodbye.


	15. Chapter 15

Clarke is violently sick on the flat boat but handles the larger boat significantly better than the last time. It’s a half day voyage to the aircraft carrier, and she manages to keep enough of the tea down that she doesn’t cry from fear when she hugs Joseph goodbye.

The aircraft carrier is the largest structure Clarke has seen on earth so far. It’s like a city, floating on the ocean. It’s large enough that the oceans swells don’t tilt the decks.

Miri wants to begin her search for her family immediately, but Lexa insists that they find out where their quarters are first, and settle in. On this ship there’s no old shipping containers to sleep in, and they’ll have to sleep below.

The bunkroom they’re assigned to is narrow, and strewn with people’s belongings. It’s set aside for travelers, like boat people merely using this to get to a different boat or oil rig, or people from another clan. The quarters for crew and permanently residing boat people are elsewhere.

Clarke immediately starts to panic, the narrow bunks reminding her of the skybox on the ark where she had lived for a year. But she closes her eyes and takes deep breaths. This isn’t the ark. She’s on earth. She won’t be killed.

They dump their things in the bunks quickly, and then go back to the main deck. It’s huge, stretching out the length of the ship. There’s open fires set on the ship where food is being cooked, and along the edge of a higher section of the deck, a small market sells food and cloth. 

“This is the main capital.” Lexa tells Clarke and Miri. “It travels around, and most larger boats meet up with it at some point during the year to trade. The only time the entire nation gathers at once is for war, or for the trade festival every few years. In midsummer they’ll gather in the southern sea to fish and trade, and so that people can gather freely. They’ll hold elections at that time too.

“Democratic elections?” Miri is endlessly curious about the boat people, while Joseph had just wanted to learn about the ship itself.

“The boat people are led by Luna, but she has very little power, and will most likely rule until her death. She only takes command in wartime. The elections are when the ship captains are chosen, and the oil rig leaders. There’s very few ship captain elections because those are handled internally on smaller vessels and are usually resolved by the time the trade festival happens. The oil rig elections are big though, because they control so much trade.”

“Who’s the captain of this ship?” 

“Noah. He’s commanded this ship for twenty years, and he’ll likely command it many more.” Clarke tries to imagine Noah, but her mind flickers between Kane and Jaha, her father’s executioners. Lexa passes her the tea, and Clarke drinks.

They climb a ladder to the raised bridge, and Lexa greets people formally, slipping into commander mode. 

“Miri, this is Noah. He’ll be our captain on this voyage, and he’s agreed to help you find your family.” Lexa introduces them to a man with weather beaten skin and stormy gray eyes. “Noah, this is my partner, Clarke.” Clarke shakes Noah’s hand, and he smiles warmly, and for a moment images of Miri being tossed overboard for some simple infraction are banished. They return, not as strong a second later. Maybe the tea is helping.

Noah leaves his post, giving instructions to his seconds. This is calm water with few shoals to be avoided, and good weather. Noah leads them down the decks to the mess hall, which is really more of a gathering area.

“I’m looking for Jonah and Amia? Anyone seen them today?” They follow Jonah through the corridors, until they come out onto the far edge of the ship, on a deck set below the main flight deck. There’s rooms opening out onto this deck, and Clarke sees one of them swing open.

It’s a man and woman, both weather beaten and dressed in boat people clothing. Their clothes are streaked in salt stains, and they’ve obviously been living here a long time.

“Jonah, this is the former commander. She’s brought her student, Miri, here looking for her family.” Noah, nods towards Lexa, and Miri, clinging to Lexa’s arm. They both look terrified, looking to Jonah for acceptance or rejection.

There’s a long few moments where everyone sizes each other up, and then Amia steps forward and hugs Miri tightly.

***

That night Miri stays with her parents, and Clarke and Lexa return to the traveler’s cabin alone. The journey is a week and a half, and at the end Miri will decide whether or not she’ll stay with the boat people. 

The next day Clarke and Lexa spend the day with Miri and her family, and meet Miri’s many younger siblings. She’d been their oldest daughter, and the only nightblood. She meets her grandparents, who had had four children, all nightbloods, until they’d had Amia. 

Jonah has four brothers, and their families all visit Miri. By the end of the week, Miri had begun helping with fishing from the back decks, and keeping an eye on younger cousins while her aunts and uncles helped dock ships to the carrier.

“She’s staying here, isn’t she?” Clarke sits on the deck, holding her fishing line, watching Miri talk with a girl her age. She’s holding one of her younger cousins on her hip, her hair tied up in a cloth to keep him from pulling it. Her clothes are boat person clothes now, and she blends in like she never left.

“Yeah. She’s planning on it.” Lexa smiles sadly. “looks like we’ll have an empty nest soon, at the rate the kids are leaving.”

“Wow, empty nest at twenty-five. Didn’t see that one coming.” Clarke smiles for what feels like the first time in weeks, and feels like a weight is being lifted from her shoulders. Aden and Joseph are following their dreams, Miri has found her family. And Clarke will be back in Trikru territory again.

They reach their landing early one morning, anchoring in a deep channel within seeing distance of the coast. Clarke and Lexa hug Miri and her family goodbye, and climb the steep ladder down to the boats that will take them to shore.

When they get to dry land Clarke almost cries. It’s been so long since she was on this land, and she’s missed the smell of the trees, and the long grasses.

It takes them two days to get to Arkadia, and when they get there Abby forces them to stay the night. Clarke had lost ten pounds during the month long voyage, and is pale and shaking almost constantly. Abby wants to give Clarke and IV to help with the dehydration, but Clarke refuses, sticking to her tea. Lexa sits beside her in the medical bay, holding her hand while Abby takes blood. 

“I guess you weren’t made for the sea.” Abby says, finally smiling.

“I guess not.” Clarke slumps against Lexa, relieved. So she isn’t too badly harmed.

“You need meat when you get to the bunker. Meat, and dark vegetables. Bed rest too, for at least a week.” 

“Mom, I’m not an invalid.” Clarke feels her eyelids start to droop, and her mind starts to drift.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of her.” Lexa’s voice is the last thing Clarke hears before she falls asleep.

The next morning they borrow a horse from Arkadia, and Clarke rides while Lexa leads the horse along the path. Clarke clings to the saddle, not feeling faint, just exhausted. The kids are at the bunker, and they help with the horse while Lexa lifts Clarke down and carries her inside. She sets her down on the bed, and pulls off Clarkes boots and pants so that Clarke can curl up under the covers and sleep.

As Clarke lies exhausted in her bed, she hears Lexa go outside and get the kids together to go hunting. Birds chirp-woodland birds, not seagulls, and the smell of pine floats through the window. 

Clarke drifts off, safe in the forest.


	16. Chapter 16

During the next two years, the kids continue to leave home. Bex becomes Indra’s second, and Kirzu goes south with a trading group, searching for his family in the southern swamps. Clarke and Lexa had offered to go with him, but he’d declined, setting off with his parent’s names, and his backpack.

Riley goes north, into Ice Nation territory, to become Jackson’s second in the ark segment crashed there. It’s a medical station, but with some food production using farm station’s extensive aquaponics systems. She’d always liked working on the system in Arkadia.

When they travel to take her there, Clarke sees the same uneasiness she’d felt on the boat cross over Lexa’s face. She has some emotional baggage here, Clarke remembers, and brews her some of the herb tea to quiet her nerves. Peace has prevailed for years under Roan’s rule, and Riley is in no danger here. Clarke knows it’s not any comfort for Lexa though.

When they return Lexa frets the way Clarke had after leaving Miri and Joseph with the boat people, but eventually the fear fades, and the clouds lift from her face.

They only have one kid living at home now. Emma is the youngest, sixteen, and fascinated by mechanical engineering. During the winters she follows Raven around like a puppy, helping with maintenance work, and reading from the books on the ark. During summer Emma studies the books Raven has sent with her, and visits Arkadia every few weeks for more books. Raven teaches her everything she knows, until Emma can answer every question on the mechanic’s exam.  
“Youngest mechanic in a hundred and five years.” Raven passes Emma a small mug of mead and winks. “You’ve earned it, kid.”

At the beginning of their eighth year at the bunker Raven makes Clarke and Lexa sit down with her.

“I want to ask Emma to become my second. She’s brilliant, and I could use the help around here. She’d be able to visit you any time, and you live here part of the year anyway.”

Clarke is thrilled, she’d worried about Emma’s interest in technology in a world where everything human made was determined to return to the earth. Working with Raven would be one of the few jobs available to her.

“She’d work with the flame, then.” Lexa says, face unreadable. “I’m worried about how that might affect her.”

“I wouldn’t have her working there if she was uncomfortable with it.” Raven assures them. “If she decides she wants to, I’ll have us both talk with you beforehand.”

“Alright.” Lexa nods. “That’s fine then.”

And just like that, the bunker is empty.  
****

Two more years pass, Clarke and Lexa stay out in the bunker in the summer, growing food for winter. Every day is almost the same, waking at sunrise to go and get the weeding done before the sun can get too hot. In the afternoon they swim, or ride to Arkadia. They have horses now, six of them. Four stay in Arkadia year round, taking Abby, Raven, and Emma to the surrounding villages. Clarke and Lexa ride out and back to the bunker, the horses taking the trip from a full day to a few hours.

In winter they stay in Arkadia. It’s them, Abby, Raven, and Emma. It’s the same as it usually is, everyone packed into one cabin, sprawled on the mattresses on the floor while the winter rages outside.

The next summer Abby visits the bunker, leaving Nyko in charge of the medical bay for the week. It’s the first time she’s been away from Arkadia for more than a few hours in years. She stays in the kid’s old bunker, and helps in the garden in the mornings. She goes with them to the lake in the afternoons, going for a quick dip and then sitting on the shore, watching while Clarke and Lexa dive down searching for crawfish for dinner. They catch a few, and then grab some lines to fish. They depend on fishing for most of their food in the beginning of summer, before the garden starts producing food, and the lake has never disappointed. For the few weeks of fishing that they do every year, they have all the fish they could want.

A few fish later, they get distracted, and collapse into a splashing fight, complete with some mud and globs of rock snot being flung. Eventually Clarke manages to pull Lexa into the water with her, and they swim clear of the war zone to start washing the mud off. It doesn’t occur to them until they get back to shore that Abby has seen the whole thing.

“Hi Mom.” Clarke catches the towel the Lexa tosses her, and wraps herself in it tightly, hoping that Abby won’t comment on her behavior.

“Are we ready to go, girls?” Abby picks up her blanket and book, and Lexa grabs the basket of fish and crawdads. They hike back, and Clarke starts the fire while Lexa goes to find some bigger firewood.

“Did you have a nice day?” Clarke asks Abby when she approaches with the fish.

“It was very nice.” Abby sits down, and Clarke finally gets a spark, and fans the fire into the wood shavings and kindling. “You and Lexa seem to be happy together.”

“Yes, we are.” Clarke is startled by Abby’s sudden interest in her relationship. After Lexa had recovered from being shot there had been a few awkward months where Clarke wasn’t sure what Abby thought about Lexa, but when the nightbloods moved out to the bunker life become too packed to worry too much.

“Have you two ever thought about getting married?” 

The question stops Clarke cold, even though it wasn’t a particularly sensitive question. They’d talked about it on and off the past few years, but didn’t want to have it without the friends that had left for the settlement.

“We haven’t really thought about it much.” Clarke says. “We kind of ended up with the nightbloods, and things just went from there.”

“Well you’ve been together for nine years. And you did catch the bouquet at Octavia and Lincoln’s wedding, remember?”

“She chucked it right at my chest.” Clarke laughs a little. The wedding had been the summer before the settlement was formed, and it was the last time that Clarke had had all her delinquent friends in one place.

“Your great-grandma would be disappointed in you. She had a conniption when I moved in with Jake after we got engaged, instead of waiting until we were married. ‘Living in sin’ she called it.” Abby smiles. “She cooled down eventually. After the wedding.”

“Nice.” Clarke tosses some more kindling onto the fire. 

“Clarke, I’ve got the wood.” Lexa dumps her armful away from the fire, against the log cabin, and then carries some over to stack on the fire. “What’s up?”

“My Mom thinks we should get married to avoid upsetting my Great-Grandma Joyce. Apparently she’s flailing in space thinking of us living in sin.”

“Well I’m more worried about Octavia. She might take a chunk out of me if she sees me again unmarried.” Lexa smiles and nudges Clarke. “Remember how she threw the flowers at you? Might be a hatchet next time if you don’t have a ring on your finger.” 

“Might be. You’ll have to wear a bulletproof vest when you go to visit Aden.” Clarke and Lexa clean the fish, and set them up to cook over the fire. They eat those soon after, and when the fire has burned down into a bed of coals, they set the pot of crawdads in it to boil.

They eat, and Abby turns in for the night. Clarke and Lexa stay up to make sure the fire smolders out properly.

“So she wants us to get married, huh?” Lexa takes Clarke’s hand in both of hers.

“She just thinks it’s strange that we haven’t yet. It’s going to be ten years this fall, you know.”

“This fall. More like late summer. Right about the time of the trade festival.”

“The trade festival?” Clarke leans into Lexa, too tired to think back to all the new things she’s learned about the ground.

“It’s after the boat people’s trade festival. After they do their trading in the south, they come north to Polis to trade. There’s political meetings too, since it’s after the elections, but it’s a time of celebration.” Lexa’s voice is soft, and Clarke’s eyes lose focus in the fire. “The children will all be there. I’ve written to them. Octavia will be bringing Aden here.”

“You were planning on asking me before she brought it up, weren’t you?” Clarke tips her head up to kiss Lexa’s cheek.

“Will you marry me, Clarke?” Lexa’s voice is strained slightly, even though they both know there’s no reason for her to be worried.

“Of course.” Clarke feels Lexa’s hands move around hers, and a polished, wooden ring is slipped onto Clarke’s finger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No new chapter for a little while after this. There's a heat wave in my area- 90 f with 95% humidity which is awful, and soon I'm going to my grandparents for a few days. So nothing until next Friday at the earliest- sorry guys, stay cool!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I'm back! I just started college, so tbh who knows when updates will be, but I'm hoping to finish this fic before my workload gets too strenuous. A disclaimer on this chapter- I haven't been to a wedding in awhile, and the last one I want to was painfully heterosexual (big emphasis on the wife belonging to the husband, that kinda thing) but here it is!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some bible verses in here, I know not everyone has the greatest experience with organized religion, but the verses I picked are pretty gay, so it's like whateves.

The wedding is plain, held late in the trade festival. Miri’s ship had been late, and Octavia had been hauling Clarke all over Polis to take care of wedding preparations. Eventually Clarke had managed to shake her from her original wild plans, and make it more reasonable.

It’s in a field outside the capital, a warm breeze making the leaves rustle, sunlight dappling the people there.

Most Sky people that had been at the festival come for the wedding, and many grounders come too. There’s so many people, considering the way Clarke and Lexa have isolated themselves from the rest of the world for the past few years. It’s a reminder of the time before, of the mountain, and the war, but it’s comforting. They had saved their people, and their people had become one.

And now they’ll become one too.

Their dresses are plain, pale shifts down to the ankle, made with the soft cloth from the southern clans. They both have flowers in their hair, forget-me-nots, and ivy. Raven, Octavia, and Emma are Clarke’s bridesmaids, and Miri, Bex, and Riley are Lexa’s. 

Neither of them have a father to walk them down the aisle, and it’s decided very early that Abby will walk Clarke down. Lexa doesn’t really have anyone, and it’s only a week before the wedding when Octavia tells Lexa to ask Indra. She accepts, and there’s a weight lifted from Lexa’s shoulders. 

Raven makes the rings, boiled down from the metal of the Ark, and molded into plain loops of metal. They’re plain, pale silver-grey, but they remind Clarke of the moonlight and the stars.

Clarke turns the ring over in her fingers while she waits. Octavia is still fussing with her dress, and the flowers in her hair, and Clarke holds as still as possible. She looks up, even as Octavia forces her head down, trying to find Lexa. They aren’t supposed to see each other the night or morning before- some old grounder tradition, and Clarke is homesick.

“Ready?” Octavia releases Clarke, and adjusts her own flower crown. “If you throw up, try to get Bell. He’s in the front row, and if you get him good I win a bet.”

“Okay.” Clarke is still scared, and desperately wants Lexa to be by her side. 

“Hey, I’m kidding, princess. Mostly.” Octavia hugs Clarke, before darting to her place. 

"Are you ready?" Abby kisses her forehead, and takes her arm, and Clarke feels her heart jump in her chest. It’s time.

She’s the first one down the aisle, and she feels the eyes of everyone on her. The grass tickles her feet, and the wind blows hard enough that she’s glad Octavia and Raven had woven the flowers and ivy in so securely. Her hands are trembling, and she’s sure she’s shaking like a leaf in the wind.

She gets to the end, and stands, waiting. Kane is officiating, as he is technically a ship captain still. The first row is Bellamy, Lincoln, Monty, and the rest of the nightbloods. The kids wave, and she smiles, wishing she could wave back.

Clarke looks up, and her heart stops. Lexa is at the other end of the aisle, hair over her shoulder, and woven through with forget-me-nots and ivy. Clarke can see the bright green of her eyes, even from this distance. She smiles, and It’s all Clarke can do not to run to her and wrap her arms around her and never let go. 

She fights back tears, and is mostly successful, and soon Lexa is standing in front of her, and everything is a blur to Clarke. She barely follows the ceremony, saying the things she’s supposed to say, in a daze.

There’s a moment where the world narrows to just her and Lexa, and there’s nothing but soft light and the green of Lexa’s eyes. He cheeks are slightly pink, the warm sun on her face.

“Clarke kom Skaikru, do not urge me to leave you or to turn back from you, for where you will go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried, and may the lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.” 

Clarke says her vows, and she means every line, but her head is spinning. Because Lexa had said her vows ten years ago, expecting nothing in return, and here they are today. Alive, safe, whole. In love.

“The brides may kiss.”

The kiss is soft, sweet. Clarke lets herself get lost in the feeling on Lexa’s lips against hers for a moment, and when they pull away Lexa has that dazed look on her face that Clarke knows so well.

The evening afterwards is a blur, dancing and drinking, bare feet and dresses twirling. By the wee hours of the morning the fires have died down, and most guests are sleeping in the field. Its obvious that they won’t be returning to Polis that night as planned, so Clarke and Lexa grab some blankets and head into the forest, lying the blankets down below trees filled with glowing butterflies. They collapse, tangled together.

“We got married.” Lexa’s words are slurred, and she starts giggling uncontrollably, and Clarke joins in.

“We did.” 

They kiss, and Lexa melts against Clarke, winding her arms around her neck, pulling Clarke tighter against her.

“I love you.” Lexa’s voice is soft against Clarke’s skin, and Clarke closes her eyes, letting the perfection of the moment watch over her.

“I love you too.”

 

They drift off together, glowing butterflies coming to land on them, the stars stretching out above the treetops. Sky and earth, united as one.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might be a little bit not g rated, but it's pretty subtle so yeah. The next chapter discusses human reproduction but it's super technical (like painfully technical).

Lexa lies on her side, a hand tangled in Clarke’s hair, Clarke’s hand still roaming her body, mapping out every inch of Lexa’s skin. Lexa doesn’t have the strength to move from where she is, gazing at Clarke’s face, the candle light making Clarke’s skin glow gold. She looks like an angel, and Lexa can’t look away.

This is the first time that Clarke has taken her since the wedding, and in some ways it feels like their first time. There’s the warm haze that Clarke always puts her in, and a tingle of anxiety. But now it’s for a different reason.

“Clarke.” She whispers, and Clarke cups her cheek, light dancing in her eyes. 

“What is it, love?” 

Lexa’s heart jumps in her chest, and she feels the anxiety burn inside her, even with the bunker protecting her, even in Clarke’s arms. 

“I want to have a baby.” Lexa forces her eyes to meet Clarke’s, and she sees a hint of surprise, but it’s quickly overwhelmed by warmth and affection. 

“We could adopt. My mom works in the villages near here, I’m sure there’s children in need of homes.” 

“No. I mean, we could adopt too. But I want to have a baby. I want to carry our child.” It’s so strange to say the words out loud, and they sound so explicit in her mouth. But Clarke smiles a little, and leans in, whispering against Lexa’s skin apologetically.

“I can’t do that for you love.” Clarke kisses her, and Lexa feels Clarke’s fingers trace across her stomach, and she knows that Clarke is thinking.

“What about sky person technology? Is there some way?”

“Before the war, there was a way for people like us. But it was banned on the Ark, unnecessary use of medical supplies and all that. I’m sure there’s still information, and probably the tech.”

“So will you look for it?”

“Of course.” Clarke presses her forehead to Lexa’s, and Lexa relaxes against her, warmth flowing through her body, replacing the chill of anxiety. “Anything for you, love.”  
The next morning Lexa wakes to morning light streaming into the bunker, and Clarke tracing the edge of her arm tattoo. She rolls onto her back, looking up at Clarke.

“Hey.” Clarke leans down and kisses her. She’s never been scared waking up in this place, always protected from the elements, always with Clarke beside her.

Clarke’s hand wanders down to Lexa’s stomach, and traces the thick scars there. There’s a pit about two inches across where her skin has sunken, the remnants of an injury that had nearly killed her. Lexa had held her intestines in with one hand, and driven her sword through the heart of the warrior who had struck her.

“So about last night…” Clarke’s voice is soft, but Lexa nearly flinches. Last night she’d asked Clarke for a baby. She’d been exhausted, fucked out, still slightly drunk. It had made her brave.

“Yeah.” Lexa is glad she asked, because this is what she wants. But acknowledging it in the sunlight makes it real, something that could really happen.

“If you still want to go through, we’ll have to go back to Arkadia for a few days. I have research to do, and my mum should take a look at you. There might be issues, because of the scar tissue.” 

“Issues? What kind?”

“I don’t know babe. I haven’t done much with that whole thing since I was in space, and I don’t remember much.” Lexa looks up at Clarke, and loses herself in the gentle lines Clarke is tracing across her body.

“Okay.”

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. If it’s something that you think I want you to do. Childbirth is dangerous, even under the best of circumstances.”

“I want this, Clarke, more than anything. Do you?” Lexa had thought Clarke would be on board with this, they’d spoken about it several times the past few years, but there’s a horrible flicker of doubt for a moment. She stares up at Clarke searching her face, and the warmth breaks into sunshine, her eyes light up, a smile that feels like home.

“Yes.” 

Lexa smiles, and cuddles closer to Clarke. She’s always thought she’d be dead long before this, and the box she’d sealed her wants in has rusted and fallen apart with age, letting all the hopes she had had come tumbling out.

“I always wanted to get married in summer and have a baby right off, in the spring.” She knows it’s silly, but she can be silly, she can have her own wants, even if they are silly.

“That’s awful whimsical, considering the biology issues with anyone you’d be marrying.” Clarke kisses her on the nose.

“It’s a good thing I’ve got a sky wife then.” Lexa curls closer to Clarke, pressing into her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was a little weird to write, so let me know what you thought of it!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know very little about any of this. I've watched like one episode of Jane the Virgin and that's the information I'm going off here.

“You might have some discomfort from the scar tissue stretching, but it shouldn’t be serious. There doesn’t seem to be damage deep enough to have damaged your internal organs badly, or if there has, it’s healed too well for me to detect.” Abby holds the clipboard, and Lexa grips the cold edge of the table.

“So I’ll survive it?” This is more than Lexa had dared hope for. 

“I can’t guarantee that, Lexa. Childbirth is dangerous, I lose more women to it every year than I do to anything else. You need to be absolutely sure that you want to do this.” 

“I want this.” Lexa tries to sound in control, but her voice cracks slightly.

“Alright then.” Abby smiles, and hands Lexa the clipboard. “Why don’t you go tell Clarke?”

***

“We need a man.” Clarke’s announcement takes Lexa by surprise, and she can’t keep the look off her face.

“What?”

“Don’t look so grossed out Lexa. You don’t have to do anything with him. You don’t even have to meet him. We need a biological father, we’d have to ask him for some of his…you know, stuff.” Clarke is very clinical about the whole thing, but as soon as Lexa figures out what Clarke means by ‘stuff’, she’s thoroughly grossed out.

“Ew.”

“I know, babe. Any ideas?”

“Not really.” Lexa can’t think of any man who’s child she’d want to carry. 

“I’ve got a distant relative, about our age. Early in the ark’s history they would let both twins live, if there was a twin birth. My family has two branches. He and his family live in a village near here. If he agrees, the child would be related to both of us.”

Lexa agrees, she doesn’t have any other ideas. They’d planned on waiting another month, but at this point Lexa’s two days away from the point in her cycle where it would be easiest for her to get pregnant. If Clarke leaves in the morning, she can easily be back in time.

“If he agrees, I could be back here as soon as tomorrow.” The two of them stand in the stable in Arkadia, Clarke readying the horse to leave. “We’d have to do it pretty soon after, within a few hours. Are you ready for that, or is it too soon? I know we planned for later, I could ask him if I could come back in a month.”

“No, I want to do it this month.” Lexa remembers what Clarke had told her- it could take several cycles to work. The sooner the better.

“Do you want to do it in Arkadia, or the bunker?”

“The bunker.” Lexa’s gotten past her fear of Arkadia, but the bunker has nothing but happiness. Even though her child will be born in Arkadia at Clarke and Abby’s insistence, she wants it to be conceived somewhere that she’s never felt the fear that she felt when she was shot.

“Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow Love.” Clarke leans down and kisses her, and then rides out.

****

Clarke returns the next morning with a vial carefully wrapped in cloth in her medical bag. She stops in to Arkadia to speak with Abby, and then follows Lexa out to the horses.

When they do it, Lexa lies back and closes her eyes, trying to steady her breathing. She knows that Clarke won’t hurt her, but her breath still catches when she feels something cold and thin slide inside her. She grasps blindly for Clarke’s hand, and holds it tightly until the strange sensations have stopped.

Afterwards Lexa lies with her head on Clarke’s chest, Clarke playing with her hair.

“Do you think it worked?”

“I don’t know, love.” Clarke rubs her back gently, and Lexa drifts off, warmth surrounding her.

****

Lexa misses her next period, but still doesn’t dare hope. It’s not until the nausea hits, and the strange food cravings, that she starts to wonder.

When Clarke finds her kneeling in front of a toilet bowl in their cabin’s bathroom she insists that they do a test. Lexa initially says no, she’s terrified that the vomiting has just been some sick joke the universe has been playing to get her hopes up. But Clarke convinces her, reminding her that the sooner they know for sure, they can either try again or celebrate. It’s going to be a month in a few days, time to try again if they need to.

While Clarke does the urine test Lexa sits on a wall outside the medical bay. Abby is in a nearby village checking on a child with fall pneumonia, and Lexa can see the village if she squints.

The land around Arkadia is beautiful, rolling hills, just barely tinged with the morning mist. There’s a little bit of a chill in the air, and just as she’s beginning to wish she brought a jacket, warm arms wrap around her.

Clarke holds her tight, and Lexa closes her eyes, trying to get up the courage to ask Clarke what the results had been.

“Clarke? Did it work?” There’s no answer, but Lexa feels Clarke nod against her back.

It worked. Lexa leans into Clarke’s embrace, the solid feeling of Clarke holding her reminding her that this isn’t just a dream. This is real. Her hand drifts down to her belly, still flat, but now Lexa knows that there’s a baby in there. A tiny human that her body is making.

Clarke releases her for a moment, and Lexa turns around, wrapping her legs around Clarke and burying her face in her shoulder. It worked.

****

The winter months come rolling in, and they settle into the usual routine. Clarke helping Abby in the medical bay, Lexa helping Raven and Emma with whatever they need to do. Lexa helps with the coldframes Raven has been working on, trying to keep the soil just barely warm enough for the kale to grow. Other years they’ve made a halfhearted attempt at some sort of winter agriculture, but this year they need the kale. Lexa needs the vitamins.

She has a green thumb, which she’d realized when she began growing food out by the bunker but hadn’t thought the skill would translate to Ark technology.

At night they retreat to the cabin. Abby still sleeps off the medical bay so that if anyone needs her, they can find her. Everyone else stays in a nearby cabin. It’s plainer than it had been when all the nightbloods lived there, the blanket fort gone, the mattresses gone from the floor. The fabric draped across the ceiling is still there though, and the furs on the floor protect bare feet from the cold steel.

Clarke and Lexa lie awake in the night, sometimes talking sometimes just listening to the winter storms outside.

Clarke will slide her hand beneath the edge of Lexa’s shirt, cupping her belly gently, adding another thin layer of protection for the baby. At first it’s just a concept, but soon there’s a small bump.

One such night they’re lying cuddled, Clarke curled around Lexa. She thinks Lexa’s fallen asleep, but then she hears a small gasp, and Lexa’s hand flies to her belly.

“Lexa? What’s wrong?”

“I think I just felt it move.” Lexa’s voice is hushed, and Clarke smiles against her back.

“What was it like?” 

“Just a little nudge.” Lexa takes Clarke’s hand and guides it to her belly. “Right about there.” Clarke rests her hand there, even though she knows that it’s too early for her to feel anything on the outside.

They lie still, Lexa’s breath ragged, Clarke’s slow. Eventually Lexa drifts off, and Clarke holds her gently, watching her sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm in college, working two jobs, and taking like 17.5 credits, so that was why this took so long. The next chapter will be that last (I have the final scene planned, it's the sweetest thing omg) but I haven't even started writing it yet. It will get done though!


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter, I gave our girls the mushiest ending I could come up with, so I hope you like it! Thank you to everyone that liked and subscribed and commented!

She’s still hazy from the pain, and the drugs, but the baby is there, screaming in Abby’s arms. Tiny limbs, tiny face, eyes still squeezed shut. Clarke clamps and cuts the cord, and takes the baby from Abby, wrapping it in a blanket.

“It’s boy.” Clarke whispers, gently placing her in Lexa’s arms. 

The baby cries, squirming in Lexa’s arms, and she’s crying too. It’s hers, hers to love, hers to protect. Her world narrows to her son. Hands balled up into tiny fists, ten perfect tiny fingers. He even has tiny fingernails.

The baby kicks the blanket away and Lexa counts ten tiny toes.

The baby quiets a little bit, and Lexa takes a corner of the blanket and wipes off the black blood streaking the baby’s face. He makes a face and Lexa giggles at the look of disgust.

“Do you want me to wash him off?” Clarke catches one of the tiny hands in her own hand, and tiny fingers clamp tight on her finger. She falls silent, and Lexa looks up to see Clarke’s face lit up. 

Lexa takes the baby’s other hand, and the baby holds on tight. Lexa holds her baby close to her chest. She never wants to let go.

***

Later, when the baby has been washed off and wrapped tightly in a clean blanket, and when Lexa has gotten cleaned up as much as possible, Abby helps her into a wheelchair and wheels her down the hall to the cabin. Clarke follows with the baby, and when Lexa is settled on the couch, Clarke gives the baby back to her.

Raven and Emma crowd in, both wanting to look at the baby. Emma asks to hold him, but Lexa doesn’t respond. She just kisses his forehead, and cuddles him a little closer.

“I don’t think any of us are getting a turn anytime soon.” Clarke pulls Emma aside and puts her to work making dinner. None of them have eaten all day, even though the labor and birth had been thankfully fairly short. 

Lexa lets Clarke take the baby for a few minutes while she eats, and then she takes him back. She thinks about leaving the room to feed him, but Raven and   
Emma leave to go tell friends in a neighboring village and she decides to not go through the trouble of moving. 

Clarke and Abby clean up, and Lexa hears them talking softly and laughing.

“You have grandkids Mom, oh my gosh why are you giggling so much.”

“Yes, but now I have a grandbaby. A little grandbaby with tiny little toes!”

“Don’t try to steal my kid Mom.” Clarke starts giggling too, and Lexa smiles. 

Later Raven and Emma get back, a bag of baby toys in tow.

“Look what your Auntie and your big sister got you!” Emma holds up a stuffed bear, and bumps its nose against the baby’s. The baby wrinkles its nose adorably.

“Maybe when he can see.” Lexa smiles at Emma. 

“I’m going to bed, can I hold him tomorrow Mama Bear?” Lexa nods, and Emma kisses the baby’s forehead before leaving.

Raven leaves too, and Clarke goes to shower before bed.

Lexa cradles her baby, his body heat seeping into her arms and sinking into her chest. He’s sleeping peacefully.

Abby comes and sits next to her, resting her head on Lexa’s shoulder and watching the baby sleep. 

“I never thought I’d have something like this.” Lexa whispers. “I never thought I could love something like this.”

“I know how it feels.” Abby gently traces a finger along the baby’s forehead. The cabin is warm and peaceful, and Lexa’s baby is safe.

“Do you want to hold him?” Lexa feels Abby shift next to her, and then she transfers the baby to his grandma. 

The baby wakes up for a few seconds and squints at Abby before drifting off again. Lexa leans against Abby’s arm, and grabs a corner of the blanket, not wanting to be separated by too much distance.

“Do you have a name picked out yet?” Abby asks, and Lexa nods against her arm.

“We had Jake picked out as our boy name.” Lexa whispers. She hears Abby’s breath catch, and adds “If that’s alright with you.”

“It’s perfect.” Abby touches the baby’s chin, at the little divot in the middle. “He has the Griffin chin. It’s a strong gene.”

Lexa smiles, remembering that the baby is related to Clarke too. She wonders if he’ll take after her side or Clarke’s, whose eyes he’ll get.

“He’s perfect.”

****

Two weeks and countless diaper changes and snuggles with Auntie Raven, Grandma Abby, and big sister Emma, it’s time to take Jake home. It’s hot enough that they know they need to start planting soon, and Lexa and Jake are strong enough to travel.

They pack up one horse with the things they’ll need for the first few weeks of summer, and Lexa climbs onto the other horse. Clarke passes Jake up to her, and she straps him to her chest with a harness. 

Clarke takes the leads of both horses, and they start the journey to the bunker. 

They reach the bunker midday, and spend the rest of the day unloading everything. There’s supplies, bedding, and a small crib for Jake. It’s small, made of wood carved to interlock into shape. They put it next to their bed, near the head.

Every day one of them straps Jake to their chest and they dig and plant the garden. It’s smaller than they would have done most years, but they know they’ll need it for winter so they keep at it.

In the afternoons when it’s too hot to have Jake in the sun Lexa will sit in the shade with him, and watch Clarke dig until she’s wiped out too, and then they go down to the creek to wash up.

It’s like when they’d first had the nightbloods out there, just doing things one day at a time and hoping that they were doing something right.

Two weeks after they arrive at the bunker Clarke comes in in the evening to Lexa nursing Jake, shirt off because of the oppressive heat. When Clarke climbs into bed to read Lexa tips Jake onto her chest and leans back to lie down. 

“I’m taking a nap, can you keep an eye on him?” Lexa asks. Clarke nods, and Lexa dozes off, the baby conked out on her chest. Clarke watches them sleep, and eventually puts her book down to lie down beside Lexa and Jake, a hand on Jake’s back, and a hand in Lexa’s hair.

She has a wife and a baby, and when she wakes up in the morning they’ll be with her, and they’ll be with her the morning after that too.

They’re all safe, and she watches them sleep, Lexa peaceful, Jake out cold, the window with the sounds of crickets coming through behind Clarke, and the candlelight across from her, casting warm light through the room.

She kisses their foreheads, and watches over them while they sleep, and she knows that she’s home.


End file.
